Husband has overbooked himself, and he is panicking.
He has committed to being in two different places at the same time, with the children. Naturally, he wants me to rescue him, and ferry the children from event to the other with him. Naturally, I am resisting.
Just cancel one, I tell him, it's not the end of the world.
And this is where the "we" that is us breaks down. If I don't give the answer he wants to hear (which in this case would be "sure, I'll help you by cancelling my plans for the day!") then he will badger me all week long about changing my mind.
He is crafty, so each day he will approach it from a different angle.
The number one angle, always, is the children. "But the kids would really like it if you are there." That well may be the case, but keeping in mind I am with the children 99% of the time, I can let this go. In fact, it's good for them to do the occasional thing without their mother, thus preparing them for the world at large once they fly the coop.
The next angle he usually takes is to attack the worth of what I am choosing to do instead. Couldn't you do that some other time - like any other day, he will ask. While he adamantly guards his precious time, mine is always up for grabs.
A few days later, he plays the profitability argument. The good old money card. In this case, apparently the annual children's party suddenly has numbers attached to it. "It's very important to our company's continued success" that we all attend. I point out the key issue there - the children's party - makes my presence redundant. It is a party for the children, not the adults.
And then finally the kicker, "but everyone else goes as families." Ah. Finally, the heart of the matter: the image. Despite the fact that it is not true, I have been to many of these things and can attest not everyone brings their spouse, to him it means everything that I trail after him at these events to put up a unified front. This says "see what a cute family we are? nothing but roses at our house..."
I have to have my wits about me at all times, one small hesitation on my part and I will be cancelling my plans and coming to his rescue. I need to be strong and consistent in my message, yet not come across as angry, since that will only make everything worse. I need my full body armor in place at all times, because he also likes to attempt this upheaval at different times: when I'm half asleep or after I've had a glass of wine. I need to be prepared - it could strike at anytime.
Once again, it doesn't escape me that I consistently liken our relationship to a battleground. Drives. Me. Crazy.
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