I'm in trouble again.
Husband is very upset that I don't spend anytime at his side in social settings.
And of course, he is right. We enter a party, and I virtually flee from his side at the door, and get swallowed up by other party goers instantly. He inevitably will seek me out and drag me away - always reluctantly - from the fun a few hours later. Back to reality.
But those hours are precious - I can so easily and quickly lose myself in the laughter and alcohol induced pleasure that any party brings. I always find a good conversation that interests me, or someone who makes me laugh. It is a noticeable difference from his company. No wonder I don't want to leave.
Dinner parties hold the same appeal. I jockey to sit away from him - often obviously by saying "Let's not sit with spouses! Boring!" - and eagerly engage in conversation with my neighbors, until he rouses me from my revelry by announcing its time to leave. Where does the time go, I always wonder. And why is almost ANYONE else in the world more interesting and fun than my husband?
Last night, he was upset that he'd said it was time to go and I had ignored him completely. I think I actually looked at him and saw he was speaking to me, but I'm becoming an expert at not hearing him. His words almost never hold any appeal to me, anyway. They are just white noise.
The lecture I had to listen to from the passenger seat went something like, "When I ask you to leave, don't ignore me. I had told you before we got there I planned on being home by 11:30, what didn't you understand about that?"
He wants an apology that I can't bring myself to say. Apologies are not my strong point.
Instead I sigh and think, don't you ever lose yourself in the moment? Enjoy stimulating conversation, the flicker of candlelight, sumptuous food, that feeling of joy? Happiness?
Don't you, like me, dread saying goodbye to these warm souls because that means facing each other, alone, on the car ride home?
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