My beloved friend of fifteen years is heading back east, going back home to care for her ailing mother. I am invited to her going away party, and of course want to go on my own to this event: husband has only met her in passing only once, afterall, and the thought of him being at this party with her diverse range of friends would be like bringing John McCain to a rave.
I don't want to be responsible for ruining the party.
I thought I would deal with it early, swiftly and impassively that I planned on going alone. As I suspected, it was not a simple chat. I dropped it into our phone conversation one afternoon, and there followed a long period of silence, followed by this diatribe:
"But it's not all women who are going." I acknowledged this. "And surely lots of people will be bringing spouses." Well, it hasn't happened yet, but that may be the case. "Well, you realize it's important for any relationship to do things together." Yes, ideally, especially when couples LIKE and ENJOY each other. "If you asked your brothers and sisters, they would agree with me that excluding your spouse from mixed gender events is detrimental." What on God's green earth have my brothers and sisters got to do with this? And what Puritan hole did you crawl out of?
What was incredibly ridiculous about this conversation, besides the obvious, was that two nights ago he had gone out with two friends, one a woman, the other a man - not a couple, by the way - for drinks and had not invited me, and I hardly batted an eye.
Oh the hypocrisy.
And then the feeling that follows: why, as near my middle years, must I jump through hoops for the right to do what I want? How can he not know that by acting this way, he is feeding a growing resentment that towers above me, blinding me to everything except his flaws?
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