At times, I feel burdened beyond belief with the abysmal state of my marriage, and other times, like lately, I find it hard to care about it at all. So my husband is a dud; get over it. And I carry on my merry way, perhaps singing the latest King's of Leon tune as I go. I know I am repeating myself with this topic, but such is the state of my mind these days. Apathy.
Life is too short, I tell myself when I think about spending my lifetime with my current partner, but this mantra also comes into play during these moments of nonchalance. Life is also too short to moan over the fact that my husband can be difficult to live with.
Think of all that negative energy that is being wasted on a topic out of my control, and the limitless potential of positive energy in its place. Unless I am going to leave this marriage tomorrow, which I am not, I should ameliorate the situation, or at least make peace with it. Excellent advice, right?
Perhaps this current state of mind is precipitated by the fact that we went out on the weekend and actually had a good time. We had gone out with good friends, one couple going through a crisis of their own. We discussed their crisis on the way to and from dinner. It was a relief to have a diversion from our own troubles.
Or maybe my renewed indifference stems from the fact that as I write this, my sixteen year old nephew is lying in the hospital as they assault his body with chemotherapy, which will hopefully kill his cancer and not him in the process. He is fighting for his life rather than the quarterback position on the high school football team. Marriage schmarriage.
Whatever the cause of my current ambivalence, I wish I could bottle the effect. I feel clear headed and productive, a welcome change from incessant turmoil.
Who knew that avoidance, apathy, and insouciance were the path to a successful marriage (if you equate success with longevity...)? Sounds (scarily) like advice from a 1950's Good Housekeeping article.
Progress is over-rated.
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