Boredom

I'm bored with this topic already. Can I have some cheese with that whine?

And maybe, in fact, that is what has happened with my fledgling partnership. There has always been something else to focus on: the engagement, the wedding, the career, the baby, the siblings the baby must have, our home. Then as soon as I was finished popping out children we built a new house, a project that occupied my mind for a couple of years.

Recently my youngest started full time school, and I finally have a chunk of time each day to call my own. Time to do all of those senseless errands that are required of someone in each family: return library books and movies, buy socks/Halloween costumes/silly bands, attend to the never ending grocery list. It doesn't sound like much, but such mindless tasks can easily take over a day. Or your life, for that matter.

So up until now, there has been something to look forward to or reach for. And I would continually tell myself, "Things will get better when..." fill in the blank: we have a baby, have more money, have more time, have our dream house. But with no project in site our issues seem magnified. They are huge, in fact.

Could it be I am just bored and need more stimulation? Am I, in lieu of something else to occupy my mind, creating a make-work project where a marriage once was? Is divorce simply the next inevitable adventure in my life?

Such is the state of my mind: endless upon endless questions, second guessing myself at every turn, simultaneously driving me mad and boring me to tears.