Never marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish proverb

One problem with being a stay at home mother is relinquishing control of the purse strings. Strangely, I didn't foresee this when I agreed to give up my work to raise our children. I thought we would both continue to participate in financial decisions, discussing and compromising along the way.
Silly me.
In partnerships that work well, both parties presumably respect each others wishes and desires as to how the pie will be divided. Most of the time, anyway.
But when there is a complete communication breakdown and growing resentments, any financial decision that needs to be made creates a breeding ground for mould. A tug of war ensues. He says x, I say y. Arguments are presented. Spoiler alert: the breadwinner usually wins the day.
It's a simple formula, really. If he wants to do it, we do it. If he doesn't, we don't, and he will use the "we can't afford it" argument, followed by the "if you were earning the money, you too would feel differently!" phrase, for added emphasis.
What we can and can't afford is quite arbitrary. We can afford for our family to go to Vegas for our child's soccer tournament; we can't afford for me to go for my birthday with friends. We can't afford any new clothes for me; we can afford the best of the best for our children. We can't afford for me to fly home when there is life threatening illnesses, but yet we are planning a 5 week vacation in Europe. We can't afford to ski, but he is adamantly pursuing dropping thousands on a country club membership (still on the table, I am holding firm on that one).
A pattern is arising: he is willing to spring for just about anything in the interests of our children, and nothing for my own personal gain.
For me to make any headway, I need to put forth a proposal that needs to be ironclad and extremely well presented, preferably without taking a breath, lest he begin his objections before I have finished presenting my entire case. I feel like a child asking for my weekly allowance, and he loves to watch me squirm.
Although he heralded the "everything I have is yours" mantra in our early days, this has given way to "I work hard for my money and you are throwing it down the drain!" slowly over time. He simply declares, "You don't need that", and I am silenced.
It's mostly just stuff, and who needs more stuff? I let most of it pass, it was easier to go without.
Now, nearing middle age, I realize it is a crazy regime I live under. We seemingly have money - yet I can buy nothing without going through the paces. "Did you NEED that?" is always the first thing out of his mouth. And then whatever carefully rehearsed justification I have in my back pocket flies out of my mouth. It is demoralizing.
With no end in sight. And I'm so tired of grovelling; it never has suited me.
So I'm taking myself back to work, joining the 9 to 5 forces, and hoping the price isn't too much for my children to pay.